He's Not Broken

     If your child has autism, then you've probably experienced it.  If you're a well intentioned family member, you may have unknowingly expressed it, or maybe you've expressed it outright. The "it" I'm referring to is the intent to "fix what is broken".  Why do so many people look upon children with autism as if they are broken? And need fixing?  I think it's the same phenomenon that affects anything that is different from the norm.  People are hard to change.  It's hard for them to accept differences.  And in turn, they often desire to take those differences and conform them to a mold they are accustomed to accepting.  Well I can tell you one thing for certain.  My son is beautiful, loving and intelligent.  He has autism. And he does not need "fixing".
     It was a few weeks ago that a family member questioned whether or not I was doing what should be done for my little one, because, in her eyes he was obviously not "fixed" yet. My husband tells me I reacted quite defensively and shouldn't take it so personal.  What is more personal than someone questioning your parenting and passing judgement on your child?  Frankly, I thought I handled it pretty well. I didn't scream nor did I blast out any expletives...like I certainly was thinking!!
     Later that evening, in a hot bath, I was processing the conversation between myself and the well-intentioned family member.  The words spoken to me held such underlying judgement on my son and ushered in my greatest fear...that he will not be accepted.  I fear everyday that my son will be teased, bullied and not accepted for who he is. It is heartbreaking. It can be repeated over and over again, "We're just trying to help" or "We only want what's best for him" and what I hear is "You are not doing enough because he is still broken". I cried. And cried and cried. My seven year old came into the bathroom, and with great concern asked "What's wrong mommy?" I splashed water on my face and answered, "Some people think Ryland is broken." In the beautiful loving words only his brother could offer, he answered incredulously, "Ryland's not broken, he's just Ryland".
     Though I can appreciate that my son is loved by those who offer unsolicited advice, those words can be the most infuriating, most insulting and most heart breaking words spoken.  Let it be said that most parents of autistic children are fierce warriors for their child's well-being and happiness. There is no therapy opportunity that isn't considered to offer Ryland a chance for progression. But having said that, it must be accepted that certain progression may never come. And that's okay. Ryland is lovely and amazing just the way he is, today, right now.  So when you speak to these parents, be sure to choose your words wisely because you can bet there isn't anything you can say that they haven't already thought, explored, entertained or lost sleep over.  We are all trying our best and doing everything we can, to be the voice for our children until they themselves can speak and to give them space to spread their wings and find their own breeze.